And so it has come. The last day of 2021. It feels like only yesterday I sat alone at home, too tired and depressed to leave my apartment, and welcomed the New Year with a cheesy movie and a download of Hinge (a short-lived attempt). There was a bottle of prosecco in my fridge, but I never opened it, because what would have been the point? There was only one of me, and I was bound to doze off after half a glass anyway, thus wasting the rest (in Finnish culture we never waste alcohol, ask anyone).
This year a lot of things have gone wrong. A lot of plans have failed. A lot of paths have been set back. It seems like for every step forward, there have been two steps back - both in my personal life, and the events of the world. This year I have learned that when things go wrong, it can be almost impossible to remember that the end result isn't everything. That there is value in that one small step you took forward. That attempt. That effort. There are lessons, and tenacity, and growth in it - even if it wasn't enough to get you to the finish line. Even if no-one ever saw it.
Our culture doesn't applaud effort. We rarely see the work put into things that don't end up either amazing or terrible enough to make a stir. The millions and millions of songs, and paintings, and business ideas, and scientific studies, and book chapters, and marathon practices, that never "make it" - or maybe are never even finished - are forgotten and buried under the highlight reels. We glorify big wins and get our kicks out of epic failures - but never really stop and applaud those that time and time again get up from the ground, dust themselves off and keep going after yet another fall. Those that TRY.
If I had to describe 2021 with one word, it would be "unremarkable". Because that's how progress looks sometimes. Have we cured COVID-19? No, but great strides have been made with vaccinations, and even though we're still queuing to testing tents and mass ordering home kits, at least we now know what it is and how it works (for the most part). Have we fixed racism? Nope, but after the dramatic wake-up call of 2020 (to many white people) at least there's new and wider conversation about these issues and how we can do better in our own little lives. As for me - did I have the string of successful single releases, music videos and shows I had planned for this year? Not at all - but I learned valuable lessons about my time, my energy, my systems and my purpose. And even managed to put out a self-produced song I'm very proud of, with or without the music video and elaborate release party.
Small steps count. And sometimes life is like walking the wrong direction on an escalator - it might not get you anywhere anytime soon, but it sure will grow your muscles and make you question and refocus your choices and intentions.
I'll end this post with lyrics to a song I wrote some years ago. As you'll find, the whole song happens in the minute of midnight on a New Year's Eve - like a slow motion movie scene with a pensive narrator where nothing actually happens. No results, no wins, no goal. Just a wonderfully unremarkable (and hopefully relatable) cheers to those that haven't yet had their win, but keep on running. (PS. If you'd like to hear the song with its melody, you can find it on my YouTube channel).
Happy New Year - may yours be filled with joy, peace and the glory in tiny victories.
Love,
Petra
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00:00
(by Petra Jasmiina, 2018)
Clock turns 12
You’re kissing someone else
In this room
I’m the odd one out
People say
That how you spend today
Is how you’ll spend the whole year new
God I wish that isn’t true
My time is up
Please, bartender, hook me up
Here’s to the outcasts and here’s to the broke
Here’s to the failures and here’s to the jokes
Here’s to the lonely, all those shattered hearts
Raise a glass with me, let’s live like the New Year never comes
The crowd goes wild
It’s the best night of their lives
But I’ve seen it all before
Same old dress I spilled wine on
And once again
I hear myself promising
This year will be mine, I am gonna make it this time
Wish I could pay my rent
So that’s that
Yes please I’ll have another glass
Here’s to the outcasts and here’s to the broke
Here’s to the failures and here’s to the jokes
Here’s to the losers, diamonds in the rough
Raise a glass with me, let’s live like the New Year never -
Hey you, you look like someone that
Could make me forget
Who I am
Ooh
If we only have tonight
To be someone we like
Let’s drink to that
Now sing with me
Here’s to the outcasts and here’s to the broke
The epic failures, family jokes
Some of us will win and some of us won’t
Let’s raise a glass
Let’s raise a glass
To another year of hope
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